omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
