hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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