Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Jerry, you need to find god
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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