But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
