she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
