She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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