Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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