You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
