laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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