I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize