the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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