You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
