Im at strip club and am horny
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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