I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
