She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
