one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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