I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
