so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
