Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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