70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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