i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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