You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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