The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
