she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
