No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
