Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
