went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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