She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
