i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
