ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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