i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
