My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you never un-have a 4some
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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