Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
