I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
