I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
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