Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
