I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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