But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
