Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
