The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
