who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
