those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So many bounce houses so little time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
