One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
