a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
