I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
