I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
