i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
