And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
