When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
