My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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