It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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