Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
