I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
