Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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