You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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