community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
