im drinking this country out of the recession.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
